Letter to My Teenage Self

Emily Freeman from Chatting at the Sky has asked for her readers to write letters to their teenaged selves in conjunction with her new book for teen girls, Graceful. I was so blessed and challenged by reading her first book, Grace for the Good Girl, and I bought each of my teen daughters a copy of Graceful.

Dear 16 year old April,

The most important thing I want you to know is that God loves you! Really loves you! And not because you've earned it. Because you can't earn it. Even though you began your relationship with Jesus two years ago, you still haven't let that sink in. So spend these years learning about God's love.

I know you're already thinking about who you will marry and viewing marriage as a panacea. It's not! Instead of worrying about guys, enjoy your girlfriends! When the right guy comes along, he will pursue you; you won't have to make sure he notices you! When you are married (in just 6 short years!) you will never regret not having a high school boyfriend! Trust that God has good things for your future, so you can enjoy the good things He is giving you right now.

Learn how to live a righteous life without being self-righteous! Love the people around you, even if they were cruel or indifferent to you in the past. You are making so many right and good choices. Please don't look down on those who aren't. They need your grace, not your judgment. Realize the depth of God's grace to you, and it will be so much easier to give grace to others.

I know you feel so insecure. What you don't know is that most of the people around you also feel that way. So instead of worrying about impressing others, focus on finding your security in Jesus. He wants good things for you. And don't be afraid to let others see your need. Because trying to pretend like everything is fine and hoping that others will see through that and reach out to help you (and feeling resentful when they don't) is counterproductive! So let some people into your life. You are worth it!

Spend time with Dad without resentment. He is learning how to love you, so don't make it harder for him. I know he needs a lot of help; be patient with him.

Don't cut your hair! It grows slowly, and you'll regret it. If you go to your junior prom, go with friends, not a set-up date! Trust me on this!

Most of all, enjoy the moments God is giving you right now! Soon enough you will be at Baylor! But all the great moments of high school will be over. No more flag corps or high school football games or eating lunch in the band hall. So be thankful for now. 

Love, 

Your older (and I hope wiser) self

The Dirt on SSMTC

One week ago I was telling my sweet husband about how God had spoken to me at the Siesta Scripture Memory Celebration over the most amazing hot chocolate I've ever had! My sweet husband drove me to Houston for the SSMTC, since I have issues with highway driving. And we had three sweet sets of friends who took in our various children Friday and Saturday.

We got to the event just in time for me to change clothes in the Suburban, thanks to a fun trip to Ikea and some Beck's Prime. I found a seat and got ready to worship. And God spoke! One of the first songs we sang was "Your Name." And God reminded me that His Name - God Himself - IS a strong and mighty tower and my best protector. Then I realized that when I resort to self-protection and self-preservation, I am stepping away from God's protection. I am essentially saying that I am better able to protect myself than the God of the Universe!!! How dumb is that! I CAN trust Him to protect me. That doesn't mean that nothing bad or hard will ever happen to me. It means that God will enable me to handle those things. They might still happen, but they won't crush me. Oh, how I need to live this out!!

Beth spoke a wonderful and challenging message from 2 John about walking out our faith. I am so prone to letting my knowledge remain in my head, so I needed to hear this! Some of my favorite points were when she told us how abiding in 2 John isn't just sitting still, but is keeping in step with Jesus. It also really spoke to me when she talked about investing our whole lives into love. I so want to really LOVE God and other people! 

God was so kind to me on Saturday. Another Siesta who had come alone (from Pennsylvania!) sat next to me. Jean and I enjoyed getting to know one another and each of us said all 24 of our 2011 verses to each other! We had each asked for God to give us someone to spend the conference with, and He was so faithful! I'm so thankful for my new friend Jean!

She ended with a challenge to bring some dirt from Houston back home with us to signify the ground we are taking back from the enemy. My dirt is in a bag on my dresser. I want to display it in a pretty jar or vase to remind me that I am going to fight to take back all the ground I have surrendered. 

Even a flat tire on Saturday couldn't mar the wonderfully refreshing time God had given me!

It's Really a No-Brainer

I started Beth Moore's James study a couple of weeks ago. I've done most of her studies and have enjoyed every one. This one is no different.

In yesterday's homework we read James 1:2-4. The consider it all joy during trials verses. This is something that does not come naturally to me! As the lesson concluded, she asked her readers to write down three possible responses to a trial we are currently facing, encouraging us to have obey James 1 as an option. Then we were to predict what the consequences of each would be five years from now.

When I did this, I realized just how LAME my other possible responses really are! One of my options is to withdraw from the situation and pout. I know, so mature! But it's one I've chosen many a time. The five year fruit of this one is regret and marred relationships.

Another of my stellar options is to be resentful about the situation and blame others.  Yeah, that works so well! (NOT!!) I know this from experience as well. I don't think resentment has ever made my life or my relationships better.

When compared to the alternatives, considering it pure joy when I encounter trials doesn't seem so crazy after all! 

I've faced numerous trials during the year and a half of this church planting journey. And, I'm ashamed to admit that pouting and resentment have been my response far more often than considering them pure joy. But God's mercies are new every morning. And I'm seeking His help to respond to each new trial with joy and faith! The rewards will be so worth it!

When Fun Is Work

It's funny.  I always thought that by the time I reached the age and stage of life I now am that I would have things figured out.  Or that I would at least have myself figured out.  Not so!  I'm still learning so much about God, about the world around me, and even about how I am wired.

Last night I finally realized something.  Sometimes what seems like fun for Paul seems like work for me.  No wonder we don't understand each other sometimes!  Yesterday Paul casually mentioned the possibility of eating out with a family he's trying to get more connected to Jesus and to The City Church.  To him, this sounded like something easy and fun.  But to me it is work.  

Having dinner with some established friends would be fun, and I would be up for that on the spur of the moment almost any time.  But meeting with people I don't know, particularly people with whom I seem to have little in common (at least on the surface) is hard for me.  I want them to have a good impression of me, of our church, of Jesus, so I spend way more time than I should worrying about what to say, how to say it, whether they like me, etc.  

That's not really a good quality.  But it is where I'm at right now.  Now that I've identified this, maybe I can seek God's healing for my insecurity in this area.  But I think that I am always going to have to work harder at initiating conversations and meeting new people than Paul does.  Barring a supernatural change from God, I'm never going to get to know people as easily as Paul does.  It's always going to be at least a little more work for me. 

I don't know that either of us has made that connection before.  I think it's the opposite of shopping.  Shopping is fun for me but is work for Paul, even when he's shopping for himself with a gift card from someone else.  (That is so much fun for me!)  And just like he doesn't always want to go on a spur-of-the moment shopping trip after a long week of work, I don't look forward to the surprise of more work at the end of my week.  That doesn't mean I shouldn't do it.  Some of the best things in life are hard work!  And Paul has been very gracious about going shopping with me even when he's tired.   


I pray that God would make getting to know people more fun than work for me, and that He would help Paul understand that any initial hesitation on my part isn't just stubbornness or uncaring, but is often just tiredness!

The City Church Meets

Back to our story...

When Paul and I were discussing how the transition from being part of the staff at a large church to being a church planter would work, I realized that we would need to continue to have a worship environment on Sunday mornings.  I knew we would need it, and so would the people who were coming along with us.  And our girls and the other children would really need the continuity.  I didn't think they would do well having a season of sleeping late and making delicious breakfasts with occasional interruptions for grown-up meetings, and then have to get in the rhythm of going to church again.  And I knew our group needed a time to corporately connect with God.  The single adults, many of whom are college-aged, already have a worship/Bible study time with Paul on Wednesday nights.  But that isn't a good environment for families whose children need to be in bed before that time is even halfway over.

So we decided we would have a Sunday morning gathering.  And, since we're just starting out, we realized we would have to gather in our living room.  Which has been an interesting experience.  I've learned we can fit way more people in our living room than I ever thought.  We've had to learn to keep our house cleaner.  I've learned to buy paper cups for coffee or be behind on dishes for several days.

Our first Sunday we had about our family,15 young singles, and one other man, whose wife wanted to give our old church a month to find a replacement to teach her Sunday School class.  In the next few weeks, that family was all able to come, and we had another family come.  We've had a few more twenty-somethings check us out as well.  

One Is the Lonliest Number

One thing I don't think I was really prepared for as we began this adventure was how difficult the lack of meaningful interaction with other people, especially my husband, would be.  Even though I came into this venture with few people I felt comfortable baring my heart and soul to, I did have a small group who I could talk to about many things.  I still see many of those women, but in a different context.  We laugh and have fun and maybe share about our kids or families.  But we really don't share about our struggles or what God is doing in our lives.  Which is not really a new pattern of interaction.  We just don't have our small group study time to spark the deeper issues.

And my husband is busier and tireder than I anticipated.  It's so hard to find time when we can talk- when he is home and awake and the girls are asleep.  (Their rooms are close enough to our living room to eavesdrop!)  This journey is taking so much out of him spiritually and emotionally that he is always tired.

And I miss group Bible studies.  I used to do Beth Moore type studies on Sunday nights until we began our small group.  Then I tried going to a morning study.  That was too hard to work out with homeschooling, so I didn't continue.  Then I tried the Wednesday night study.  This was a good fit until Paul began a college Bible study on Wednesday nights and couldn't help with the girls.  

With our crazy schedule, I hate taking another evening off from family time.  And mornings I need to be home to teach my girls.  I've not heard of an afternoon study in my area.  (Actually, I've don't think I've ever seen an afternoon Bible study.)  


I don't know where that leaves me...I don't know that there is an easy answer...I know the right answer is that I'm going to let Jesus be my best friend and trust Him to provide for all my friendship needs either directly or by bringing people alongside me.  That's the right answer, but right now I don't know if it's the REAL answer.  But I want it to become the real answer.  Maybe that's enough for now.

Our Last Sunday

Our last Sunday was the last Sunday before all the children and youth moved up for the next school year.  It seemed fitting that this would be our last Sunday.  The girls' classes would have some goodbye celebrations with their teachers.  I would complete my year of teaching high school juniors.  And the next week everyone would have a new start.

Paul announced our leaving for this new mission, this new journey in all 3 of our services.  Our pastor was so complementary as he introduced Paul and had people gather to pray for us afterward.  And that time of prayer was so sweet!  It was such a great Sunday, that it almost seemed a shame to go.  But we knew God was leading us to a new place, and we had to follow Him.