So Long 2011

 

Today on her blog, Beth Moore invited readers to share three words that characterized 2011.  I really liked that way of reflecting on this past year.  Here are my words: Hard, Grace, and Learning.

Hard- This year has been one of the hardest years of my life.  This year we discovered that church planting can be hard work! And this year our business was hard, too. Paul's dad went to be with Jesus this year, and that was hard on him. And the girls and I have really felt the loneliness and isolation that comes from homeschooling and attending such a small church. Also this year, I've seen how hard  it's been on Paul to have the pressure of planting a church and running a business. This year I've also made life harder on myself by not being organized.  On a lighter and more positive note, I've worked very hard and lost some weight I've been wanting to lose. So we've had a whole lot of hard this year!

Grace - Even in the hard, God has graced us. One particularly difficult situation was answered beyond anything we could ask or imagine. Sometimes I don't always see the grace at the moment, but I can look back and see how God has cared for us and seen us through. 

Learning - We've learned a lot about how to - and how not to!- plant a church. And this year I've learned a lot about myself. I've spent so much of my life trying to be who I thought those around me wanted to be that I haven't always known who I am. I think I know myself a little better now. My girls and I have learned so much as we continue our homeschool journey. I know more history from learning alongside my girls than I ever learned in school!

I'm not sad to see 2011 go. The hard has been almost overwhelming at times. I pray that 2012 is a year filled with more grace and less hard!

Waiting for Rain

Like much of the South, the area in which we live has been experiencing a drought for much of the past year.  At first, I actually enjoyed the lack of rain.  I'm a big fan of sunshine, so more of it was good.  But eventually the lack of rain took its toll on our grass, on my flowers, and, I'm sure, on the local farmers.  And I began to wish for rain.  But the rain didn't come - at least not in amounts large enough to matter.  (I don't think 2 minutes worth of rain helps much!)

I think everyone was happy when it began raining two days ago - good, long soaking rain.  I know I was so thankful for the rain! So often in the past I viewed rain as an annoyance or irritation, but not this time.  The drought made me appreciate the rain.  I always knew we needed rain, but I didn't appreciate it as much as I should.  I took it for granted.


For my and for my girls, the church planting journey has produced a drought of companionship in our lives.  The easy relationships from our former church are more difficult since we don't see those friends once or twice a week at church now.  My oldest two girls are the only youth at our church, and there's just one other woman near my age.  There are few children as well.  

When the physical drought began affecting my outdoor plants, I had to take action.  I began watering my flowers nightly.  It wasn't always fun or easy, but I knew that my plants would die if I didn't.  I think my girls and I are in a season of watering now.  We must work harder to maintain the friendships we formed with people at our former church.  It is harder now that we don't see them at church regularly. I also must work on making friends with the people at our own church, even though they are in different stages of life than I am.

Even with the lack of rain, I never doubted that we would have rain again.  I knew the dry spell was just temporary.  And I can also have faith that our relationship drought will not last a lifetime.  The physical drought made me more thankful for rain, I know that this season of friendship drought will give me an even greater appreciation for the friends God will bring into our church.

Until then, I'll keep watering!

"And in the proper season I will send the showers they need. There will be showers of blessing."  ~ Ezekiel 34:26b





  

Movin' On Up

Last Sunday, we had our first worship time at our new location!  We are now meeting in an apartment clubhouse.  We had recently been to an event there, and both Paul and I thought that this might be a better venue than our living room.  The apartment manager was very kind and gave us a reasonable rate to rent the clubhouse each week.

The room is much bigger than our living room, so we can more comfortably fit more people.  Paul also thinks that a new person wanting to check us out might feel less intimidated here than at our house.  It includes a kitchen with a great counter for serving coffee or snacks.  There's even a large TV that we hope to use to display the lyrics for the songs we sing.

Our first Sunday went pretty well.  We are still working out a few glitches.  It was way too COLD, for one thing.  I also discovered that fans and florescent lights are a bad mix for me, particularly when I am perpetually on the verge of a sinus headache.  But these things are easy to fix.  (But, just in case, I am seriously considering bringing a blanket!)  


We also have a new guitar player, who has led his youth band in the past.  We may even have a keyboardist and a keyboard!  It's fun to see our church grow!

 

Going Public

Now that we both felt confident God was leading us to plant a church, we were ready to share the news with our friends and our pastor. We chose to first share our news with a few close friends.  We really weren't sure how our pastor would react, and we wanted prayer before Paul told him.  Everyone was very positive, and no one seemed surprised by our announcement.  We also asked our close friends to pray about joining us in this mission.

Then Paul told our pastor.  Our church had "mission churches" several decades ago, but we had no context for the modern church plant.  Paul shared his vision and his heart with our pastor, and our pastor was very gracious.  He asked for time to pray about how the church should respond to our church plant.  As we waited, we told a few more friends.  When our pastor met with Paul again, he said that we would be sent out with public blessing and Paul would get a chance to announce our plans on Sunday morning.  The church would also pay Paul's (part-time) salary for the next couple of months.  We were both very pleased!

During this time we also told my family during a visit to my Mom's house.  Even they were not surprised and were supportive.  The support and kind words from so many people were an encouragement to Paul, helping him to take this risk.

Now we were ready to tell our children...

Waiting on God

My husband has thought that planting a church would be a good idea for some time now.  And a couple of months ago he felt God confirm this as a God Idea.  He didn't hear an audible voice.  He just knew in his spirit that this was God's leading.

One of the people he has told about our church plant told of a vision from God about our planting a church.  

Meanwhile, I've got nothing!  No vision.  No confirmation in my spirit.  Nothing.  Zilch. Nada.  

So now I wonder...do we go forward based on my husband's confidence and assurance that God is leading us here?  Do we wait for God to confirm this to me?  If so, how long?  Am I not hearing from God because I am doing something wrong?  

I want to hear from God myself that He is leading us on this journey.  But He may want me to have faith in the husband He has given me.  The second way involves a lot more trust.  Trust in God to lead my husband.  Trust in my husband to hear and follow God's leading.  

And through this journey I'm learning that trust doesn't come easily to me.  I tend to hold back, to protect myself.  I want to learn to trust.  To wholeheartedly abandon myself to God.  Because He is trustworthy.  Even when I am afraid.

My Journey

This whole journey into the possibility of planting a church has been a series of stops and starts, of excitement and fear.  When my husband first began to talk about planting a church, I really thought he might be able to accomplish his goals at our current church.  We were making some changes that seemed like they might make it easier to minister to those he wanted to reach.  But I now realize that this may be a longer process than he's willing to endure (and may never happen at all).  

I then went through a period of excitement.  Everything was so theoretical to me at that time that the reality of all that is involved didn't sink in.  We would have fun creating our dream church!  We've often had those "if I were in charge" conversations, but this was different - we would be in charge! (Under God's leadership, of course.)  

Then the magnitude of what we were considering hit me!  And many questions came with it.  Those questions sparked worries and fears.  How will our girls adjust?  Who will keep things organized since neither of us is at all organized?  How will he balance church, a business, and home?  Will our friends help us?  Will they understand?

He had told some of his friends who lived out of town and a couple of close, trusted friends here, but I really wanted him to wait to tell more people until I was more sure. He agreed that this was a good plan.  THEN HE TOLD SOMEONE!!  This totally freaked me out! All the old fears and several new ones came rushing to the surface.  I felt like he was moving too fast.  So he assured me that he wouldn't move forward (in regard to telling people or actually starting the church) until we both agreed it was the right time.

Since then we've had numerous late-night discussions about planting a church.  And my husband is very certain that God is calling him to do this.  So far I have to trust him because God has not given me confirmation that this is what we should do.  

So right now we're waiting. And trying to prepare for things I don't think we can imagine yet.  The preparing isn't too bad.  The waiting is another story... Another story for another post.

My Husband's Journey

Just a few years ago, I had never heard of church planting.  Now my husband and I are on a journey toward planting a church.  And I need a place to process this crazy, scary, God-sized journey. 

So how did we get here?  My husband began to feel a disillusionment with the church status quo about a year ago.  God began to birth a desire in him to reach all kinds of people with the gospel, not just white, middle-class people who look like us.  And he began to see that often our church and many others put up barriers that make it much harder for anyone who's very different to know Jesus.  (Not intentional barriers, but barriers nonetheless.) God brought people into his ministry that were "messy, " needy and in need of Jesus.  And they responded to Him. Not because of our standard church programs, but despite them.


God also used the book No Perfect People Allowed to help shape his views on how to minister to a new generation of people.  I'm now reading it as well, and it's a real eye-opener.  At first we thought we might be able to create a culture that welcomes all people, even those who live very different lifestyles than we do, at our current church.  But as time went on, he realized that this won't happen soon, if ever.  So he began to read about church planting.  About starting a whole new church from scratch.  The more he thought and prayed and attended conferences and researched, the more he became convinced that this is what God is calling him to do.  And he is very excited about it!


As for me...I'll tackle my journey later!