So Long 2011

 

Today on her blog, Beth Moore invited readers to share three words that characterized 2011.  I really liked that way of reflecting on this past year.  Here are my words: Hard, Grace, and Learning.

Hard- This year has been one of the hardest years of my life.  This year we discovered that church planting can be hard work! And this year our business was hard, too. Paul's dad went to be with Jesus this year, and that was hard on him. And the girls and I have really felt the loneliness and isolation that comes from homeschooling and attending such a small church. Also this year, I've seen how hard  it's been on Paul to have the pressure of planting a church and running a business. This year I've also made life harder on myself by not being organized.  On a lighter and more positive note, I've worked very hard and lost some weight I've been wanting to lose. So we've had a whole lot of hard this year!

Grace - Even in the hard, God has graced us. One particularly difficult situation was answered beyond anything we could ask or imagine. Sometimes I don't always see the grace at the moment, but I can look back and see how God has cared for us and seen us through. 

Learning - We've learned a lot about how to - and how not to!- plant a church. And this year I've learned a lot about myself. I've spent so much of my life trying to be who I thought those around me wanted to be that I haven't always known who I am. I think I know myself a little better now. My girls and I have learned so much as we continue our homeschool journey. I know more history from learning alongside my girls than I ever learned in school!

I'm not sad to see 2011 go. The hard has been almost overwhelming at times. I pray that 2012 is a year filled with more grace and less hard!

Waiting for Rain

Like much of the South, the area in which we live has been experiencing a drought for much of the past year.  At first, I actually enjoyed the lack of rain.  I'm a big fan of sunshine, so more of it was good.  But eventually the lack of rain took its toll on our grass, on my flowers, and, I'm sure, on the local farmers.  And I began to wish for rain.  But the rain didn't come - at least not in amounts large enough to matter.  (I don't think 2 minutes worth of rain helps much!)

I think everyone was happy when it began raining two days ago - good, long soaking rain.  I know I was so thankful for the rain! So often in the past I viewed rain as an annoyance or irritation, but not this time.  The drought made me appreciate the rain.  I always knew we needed rain, but I didn't appreciate it as much as I should.  I took it for granted.


For my and for my girls, the church planting journey has produced a drought of companionship in our lives.  The easy relationships from our former church are more difficult since we don't see those friends once or twice a week at church now.  My oldest two girls are the only youth at our church, and there's just one other woman near my age.  There are few children as well.  

When the physical drought began affecting my outdoor plants, I had to take action.  I began watering my flowers nightly.  It wasn't always fun or easy, but I knew that my plants would die if I didn't.  I think my girls and I are in a season of watering now.  We must work harder to maintain the friendships we formed with people at our former church.  It is harder now that we don't see them at church regularly. I also must work on making friends with the people at our own church, even though they are in different stages of life than I am.

Even with the lack of rain, I never doubted that we would have rain again.  I knew the dry spell was just temporary.  And I can also have faith that our relationship drought will not last a lifetime.  The physical drought made me more thankful for rain, I know that this season of friendship drought will give me an even greater appreciation for the friends God will bring into our church.

Until then, I'll keep watering!

"And in the proper season I will send the showers they need. There will be showers of blessing."  ~ Ezekiel 34:26b





  

Love and Compassion

One of the sad things about having pets is that they don't always live as long as we would like them to live.  This is especially true of small pets.  Over the years we have had several sets of gerbils.  Most lived a regular gerbil lifespan (2-3 years), but Hope's last gerbil, Inka III, lived around 4 years!  After it died, we got 4 new gerbils, one for each girl.  

We'd had the gerbils for only 2 or 3 months when Hope realized that her new gerbil, Inka IV, was sick.  We hand fed it and loved on it and prayed for it, but it didn't make it.  Hope was so sad!  I was sad, too.  I so wanted to spare her from this pain.  But I couldn't.  

After Joy found out she told Hope that Hope could share her gerbil and could even call it Inka.  Then Hope gave Joy the sweetest hug!  I try to teach and model compassion to my girls, but sometimes I wonder if they are getting it.  That night I saw that, at least some times, they do.  It touched me to see these two girls, who are the ones who are at odds the most out of all the girls, share such a sweet moment of love and compassion.

Hope is doing well now.  And I think that Joy's compassion played a part in soothing her pain.  I pray that as my girls grow and experience other pain and difficulties that they will be there for each other and comfort one another with compassion and love.  

Waves

It seems like our life is like an ocean: a series of never-ending waves. Just when I think things are manageable, a huge wave swells on the horizon and threatens to overwhelm me. And far too often I let it. Sometimes I feel like I can barely catch my breath! We've had a lot of waves this year, some thrilling and exhilarating, others just plain big.

*Dance recital
*Piano recital
*Visiting friends
*Work
*Ministry
*Tired children
*Student Life Camp!
*Allergies
*WinShape Camp
*Dance workshop
*VBS
*Minor illnesses
*Dealing with challenging people in our lives
*Laundry
*Cleaning
*Curriculum choices for the new school year
*Sick elderly parents

I don't always handle the waves well. I can identify with David in Psalm 124 when he writes in verses 4-5, "The flood would have engulfed us, the torrent would have swept over us, the raging waters would have swept us away." But David didn't say the flood did engulf him or the torrent did sweep over him or the waters did sweep him away. He said they would have. Why didn't they? Because the LORD was on his side. And I know that God is on my side, too. Romans 8:31 says, "If God is for us, who can be against us?" Then Paul goes on to write in verse 37, "In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." ~Lamentations 3:22-24

More Excitement!

Like many others, we kept a very obsessive close eye on Ike as it entered the Gulf. The track varied widely before finally seeming to be headed for Galveston. That was only somewhat of a relief for us. Since Ike was such a big storm, our area was still forecast to have strong winds and flooding from the storm.

We knew the evacuees from the Galveston/Houston area would make an evacuation to my mom's house a very long journey. And since we would have to bring our pets anywhere we went, we decided to ride out the moderately bad weather we were likely to experience. And if the power was out for too long, we could always go later.

We spent Thursday and Friday making our preparations. Paul boarded up our businesses and our home (a task made far easier because we saved the wood he had cut in preparation for Gustav). We purchased food, water, flashlights, and batteries. I filled the tubs with water and gathered our candles. Then we waited. The wind blew. It rained some. Just as I was thinking that we would probably not lose electricity, the power went out. We had no power from about 12:30 am on Saturday morning until about 2:30 pm on Saturday afternoon. It wasn't the heat that was so bad, it was the humidity. Everything felt sticky! We were so thankful when the power came back on!

Other than the relatively brief loss of power and a few small limbs down, we had no damage. I feel extremely blessed, and I am praying for those in Galveston, Houston, and the other areas that had severe damage from Ike.

Heart-Breaking News

It was our second night of our vacation. We were watching the local Fox station's newscast because they said they might have an interview with newly crowned American Idol David Cook. When the breaking news announcement came on I thought it would be something political or maybe a local happening. What came next wasn't just breaking news, it was heart-breaking news. We learned that Maria Sue Chapman, 5 year old daughter of Steven Curtis Chapman had been killed in a tragic accident. While I was still teary-eyed Jack gathered us all together to pray for a family that I've never met but feel like I know.

To know more about Maria or to leave a message for the Chapman family, go here.

And please keep remembering the Chapmans in your prayers. Because even though Maria is whole and happy in Heaven with Jesus, her family is still grieving the loss of their beloved daughter.

And Then I Fell Flat on My Face

The fits and crying that I mentioned last time, they happened. After praising God for His sufficiency, I totally crashed and burned. Not that God wasn't still sufficient. But I think I began to think I had something to do with the victories God had won. So He allowed me to see just how weak I really am! But since I realized my weakness, I can now depend on His strength!

We have had even more challenging times with Paul's parents. A few days after his mom's surgery, his dad became ill. Paul thought he could deal with it at home, but a wonderful physician friend said that he really should be in the hospital - which is a VERY DIFFICULT place for a person with dementia to be. He has pneumonia and has been in the hospital for over a week now. A VERY LONG WEEK!!! Because of the dementia, someone has to stay with Paul's dad 24/7. Because three of Paul's siblings have chronic health problems and his younger brother had the flu, Paul has stayed with his dad every night but three since his mom was admitted to the hospital. And some of those nights Paul's dad did not sleep. (So Paul didn't sleep either!) He's weary. We're weary. We're hoping that Paul's dad can go home tomorrow. (We were really hoping for today, but the doctors said maybe tomorrow.) When Paul's dad gets home, one of his brothers plans on staying with him most nights. I hope that goes as planned, because I don't think our family can continue with this schedule for weeks on end!

On a good note, Paul's mom is out of ICU! However, she does have some water in her lungs and had to have a blood transfusion earlier this week. We really don't know a whole lot about her condition. The only way to learn anything is to see the doctor during his rounds (which are at different times every day!). And even then we're likely to get only vague information! There's got to be a better way for doctors and patients/patient's families to communicate!

I need to remind myself to cherish the times of peace and normalcy. Because, as we've seen this month, trouble can invade suddenly and turn our lives upside down.

Sufficient Grace

If I had known last week what we would be going through this week, I would have broken down and cried. If my girls had known last week how often Paul would need to be away this week there would have been much weeping, some pouting, and maybe even a fit or two.

But this week has gone as smoothly as it could have. God truly does give us the grace to handle the need of the moment when the moment arrives, and not before. Not that we've handled everything perfectly. But we have managed to get through the first part of the week without stressing out or breaking down.

Ironically, Friday was a breakdown sort of day for me. I began the day out of sorts and my sour mood did not abate during the day. As I began to journal and blame my mood on not enough quality adult interaction, God totally convicted me that the problem wasn't a lack of interaction with other people, my problem was lack of quality time with Him! So I immediately stopped my journaling, downloaded the first video session of Beth Moore's A Woman's Heart, God's Dwelling Place, and watched it. And this week I've been faithfully spending time with God through the workbook. I know that God has used my time with Him to strengthen me. I really don't want to think about all the ugly flesh & self that would have come out of me this week had I not been in the Word!

God was so faithful to prepare me to be in His Word when He knew I would need it most!

When It Rains, It Pours

Sometimes life is smooth and, if not exactly easy, at least comfortably predictable. And I seldom appreciate those times while I have them. We are not currently enjoying a time of peace and rest. Jack has felt a lot of pressure regarding an investment he made last year. What seemed at the time to be an incredible opportunity to enhance our income has become a major headache! One of the other people involved has had various family distractions, and others have just been dragging their feet when it comes to moving forward and resolving things.


If that weren't enough, a couple of weeks ago, Paul's car was broken into and thieves broke in and stole! The thieves took his bag which contained some business items that will be expensive to replace, his wallet, and, worst of all, his Bible and journal. The police have not been able to catch the thieves, and don't expect to recover any of our stolen property. We are praying for God to use Paul's Bible to save the thieves or someone else. (It would be great if the thieves would get saved and then RETURN OUR STUFF!!!)

Then on Sunday, instead of watching the Superbowl with some friends from Sunday School, Paul sat in the waiting room at the hospital waiting for his mother to get out of emergency surgery. The surgery went well, but she is fighting infection, so she is still on a ventilator and sedated. She knows the Lord, so we aren't worried about her eternal destiny, but we sure would like to have more time with her! Paul has been dividing his time between visiting at the hospital, helping to care for his father (who has some dementia), ministering to his siblings (some of whom do not know Jesus), and all the regular stuff of life like working and spending time with us.

God must have some great things in store for us, because He sure is allowing some situations that are causing us to stretch our faith and rely on Him and Him alone! Since we know He wastes nothing we can be sure that He is working even in these awful things. (Now if only I can keep that perspective all the time!)