I started Beth Moore's James study a couple of weeks ago. I've done most of her studies and have enjoyed every one. This one is no different.
In yesterday's homework we read James 1:2-4. The consider it all joy during trials verses. This is something that does not come naturally to me! As the lesson concluded, she asked her readers to write down three possible responses to a trial we are currently facing, encouraging us to have obey James 1 as an option. Then we were to predict what the consequences of each would be five years from now.
When I did this, I realized just how LAME my other possible responses really are! One of my options is to withdraw from the situation and pout. I know, so mature! But it's one I've chosen many a time. The five year fruit of this one is regret and marred relationships.
Another of my stellar options is to be resentful about the situation and blame others. Yeah, that works so well! (NOT!!) I know this from experience as well. I don't think resentment has ever made my life or my relationships better.
When compared to the alternatives, considering it pure joy when I encounter trials doesn't seem so crazy after all!
I've faced numerous trials during the year and a half of this church planting journey. And, I'm ashamed to admit that pouting and resentment have been my response far more often than considering them pure joy. But God's mercies are new every morning. And I'm seeking His help to respond to each new trial with joy and faith! The rewards will be so worth it!
Showing posts with label Thus Far. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thus Far. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Friday, February 18, 2011
When Fun Is Work
It's funny. I always thought that by the time I reached the age and stage of life I now am that I would have things figured out. Or that I would at least have myself figured out. Not so! I'm still learning so much about God, about the world around me, and even about how I am wired.
Last night I finally realized something. Sometimes what seems like fun for Paul seems like work for me. No wonder we don't understand each other sometimes! Yesterday Paul casually mentioned the possibility of eating out with a family he's trying to get more connected to Jesus and to The City Church. To him, this sounded like something easy and fun. But to me it is work.
Having dinner with some established friends would be fun, and I would be up for that on the spur of the moment almost any time. But meeting with people I don't know, particularly people with whom I seem to have little in common (at least on the surface) is hard for me. I want them to have a good impression of me, of our church, of Jesus, so I spend way more time than I should worrying about what to say, how to say it, whether they like me, etc.
That's not really a good quality. But it is where I'm at right now. Now that I've identified this, maybe I can seek God's healing for my insecurity in this area. But I think that I am always going to have to work harder at initiating conversations and meeting new people than Paul does. Barring a supernatural change from God, I'm never going to get to know people as easily as Paul does. It's always going to be at least a little more work for me.
I don't know that either of us has made that connection before. I think it's the opposite of shopping. Shopping is fun for me but is work for Paul, even when he's shopping for himself with a gift card from someone else. (That is so much fun for me!) And just like he doesn't always want to go on a spur-of-the moment shopping trip after a long week of work, I don't look forward to the surprise of more work at the end of my week. That doesn't mean I shouldn't do it. Some of the best things in life are hard work! And Paul has been very gracious about going shopping with me even when he's tired.
I pray that God would make getting to know people more fun than work for me, and that He would help Paul understand that any initial hesitation on my part isn't just stubbornness or uncaring, but is often just tiredness!
Last night I finally realized something. Sometimes what seems like fun for Paul seems like work for me. No wonder we don't understand each other sometimes! Yesterday Paul casually mentioned the possibility of eating out with a family he's trying to get more connected to Jesus and to The City Church. To him, this sounded like something easy and fun. But to me it is work.
Having dinner with some established friends would be fun, and I would be up for that on the spur of the moment almost any time. But meeting with people I don't know, particularly people with whom I seem to have little in common (at least on the surface) is hard for me. I want them to have a good impression of me, of our church, of Jesus, so I spend way more time than I should worrying about what to say, how to say it, whether they like me, etc.
That's not really a good quality. But it is where I'm at right now. Now that I've identified this, maybe I can seek God's healing for my insecurity in this area. But I think that I am always going to have to work harder at initiating conversations and meeting new people than Paul does. Barring a supernatural change from God, I'm never going to get to know people as easily as Paul does. It's always going to be at least a little more work for me.
I don't know that either of us has made that connection before. I think it's the opposite of shopping. Shopping is fun for me but is work for Paul, even when he's shopping for himself with a gift card from someone else. (That is so much fun for me!) And just like he doesn't always want to go on a spur-of-the moment shopping trip after a long week of work, I don't look forward to the surprise of more work at the end of my week. That doesn't mean I shouldn't do it. Some of the best things in life are hard work! And Paul has been very gracious about going shopping with me even when he's tired.
I pray that God would make getting to know people more fun than work for me, and that He would help Paul understand that any initial hesitation on my part isn't just stubbornness or uncaring, but is often just tiredness!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Things That Go Bump (or Deafening Siren or Clank) in the Night
Last week the night the cold front came through my bladder woke me up. (Not unusual!) After returning to bed, I noticed how windy it had become. Soon after that our home alarm system went off! I immediately knew that the wind had blown open the back door. It's happened before (in the daytime!), and I told Paul to check for that first. Sure enough, the still-locked back door was open. Paul closed the door, turned off the alarm, checked just to make sure it was only the wind, and went back to sleep. I, however, spent a few sleepless hours worrying about burglars. Because I have a totally-unfounded but lifelong fear of burglars breaking in my home when I'm sleeping. Don't know where it came from, but it's REAL!
So, even though my mind knew the wind had blown the door open, even though I have seen the wind open the door several times before (in the daytime!), and even though I looked around our house just to check, my fear was screaming, "Burglar!" at me. My mind said that I would surely hear someone walking on our laminate floors (I can even hear the cat walking if the heat isn't on!); my fear said, "What if they're really quiet?" My mind said that an intruder would leave when they heard the alarm shrieking; my fear said, "What if they didn't?" My husband reassured me that no one was in our home; my fear said, "What if they were hiding?" The dog reinforced my fear by being more restless in her kennel than she's ever been. My mind told me she was restless because of the wind, but, of course, my fear said - you guessed it- "Burglar!"
By the light of day the next day, my fears seemed silly and overblown, but they had been very real to me in the dark.
A few nights ago, as I began to drift off to sleep, I heard a clanking noise. I had never heard it before, and I thought it sounded like someone dropping a heavy metal something on the concrete. Probably a neighbor. After an interval I heard it again. And again. So, my fear again began shouting, "Burglar!" at me. I could just picture someone with some sort of crowbar or crowbar-like device ready to bash in my window. My mind said it was not a burglar, but my fear wasn't buying it! I finally woke Paul up. He assured me there was no burglar outside with a crowbar, but, since he hadn't actually heard the noise, my fear was not quieted. Finally, he heard it and realized it was some noise the heating system was making. (One neither of us had ever heard before.) Then I realized that the noise always happened after the heat came on. And I was able to sleep without fear.
The next morning I felt pretty silly. My fears seemed so far-fetched in the brightness of the daytime.
As I pondered these silly fears, I realized that so often I voluntarily remain in the dark and allow all sorts of fears to assault me. Not so much fears about burglars, but fears about things like rejection, being a bad mom, messing up, our church, and on and on it goes. God's Word is a light to my feet and a lamp for my path, but when I spend little time reading, meditating on, and memorizing it, I am in the dark and more vulnerable to fear. Jesus is the Light of the World, but when I am not spending time connecting with Him, I am living in the dark. I want to stay in Jesus and in God's Word, because I know when I do, I will see things much more clearly and be able to refute the baseless fears and worries that sometimes come. And even those fears and worries that aren't baseless will be no match for my Jesus!
The LORD is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid? ~Psalm 27:1
So, even though my mind knew the wind had blown the door open, even though I have seen the wind open the door several times before (in the daytime!), and even though I looked around our house just to check, my fear was screaming, "Burglar!" at me. My mind said that I would surely hear someone walking on our laminate floors (I can even hear the cat walking if the heat isn't on!); my fear said, "What if they're really quiet?" My mind said that an intruder would leave when they heard the alarm shrieking; my fear said, "What if they didn't?" My husband reassured me that no one was in our home; my fear said, "What if they were hiding?" The dog reinforced my fear by being more restless in her kennel than she's ever been. My mind told me she was restless because of the wind, but, of course, my fear said - you guessed it- "Burglar!"
By the light of day the next day, my fears seemed silly and overblown, but they had been very real to me in the dark.
A few nights ago, as I began to drift off to sleep, I heard a clanking noise. I had never heard it before, and I thought it sounded like someone dropping a heavy metal something on the concrete. Probably a neighbor. After an interval I heard it again. And again. So, my fear again began shouting, "Burglar!" at me. I could just picture someone with some sort of crowbar or crowbar-like device ready to bash in my window. My mind said it was not a burglar, but my fear wasn't buying it! I finally woke Paul up. He assured me there was no burglar outside with a crowbar, but, since he hadn't actually heard the noise, my fear was not quieted. Finally, he heard it and realized it was some noise the heating system was making. (One neither of us had ever heard before.) Then I realized that the noise always happened after the heat came on. And I was able to sleep without fear.
The next morning I felt pretty silly. My fears seemed so far-fetched in the brightness of the daytime.
As I pondered these silly fears, I realized that so often I voluntarily remain in the dark and allow all sorts of fears to assault me. Not so much fears about burglars, but fears about things like rejection, being a bad mom, messing up, our church, and on and on it goes. God's Word is a light to my feet and a lamp for my path, but when I spend little time reading, meditating on, and memorizing it, I am in the dark and more vulnerable to fear. Jesus is the Light of the World, but when I am not spending time connecting with Him, I am living in the dark. I want to stay in Jesus and in God's Word, because I know when I do, I will see things much more clearly and be able to refute the baseless fears and worries that sometimes come. And even those fears and worries that aren't baseless will be no match for my Jesus!
The LORD is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid? ~Psalm 27:1
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Olympic Fever!
I am obsessed with really like the Olympics. I like rooting for America. I like seeing the stories of the athlete's dedication and perseverance. I really like it when the Americans win! I even like the sappy profiles on NBC. I watch sports during the Olympics that I don't normally watch. Speed skating, skiing, snowboarding, the biathlon, hockey, curling- you televise it, and I'll watch it! (Especially if the US might win a medal!)
The downside of the Olympics is that the television coverage lasts into the wee hours of the night. I have to make myself stop watching around midnight. (OK, it's been 12:30 a few nights.) And I wake up late and I'm tireder and less patient the next day. So the past couple of weeks I've been tireder and a little less patient, and our home is certainly messier.
Now that the Olympics are over for two more years, I'm really going to try to get to bed ON TIME! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
One thing that I've really noticed this year is the athlete's reaction to winning silver or bronze. I loved watching Elisabeth Goergl of Austria ascend the podium for her bronze medal. She was so excited she was jumping up and down. For a bronze. Watching her made me happy. And Joannie Rochette's bronze was so touching. Even Apolo was humble and gracious when another's mistake may have cost him the gold or silver.
And then there's Evgeni Plushenko. Who appeared extremely disappointed about his silver during the medal ceremony. And who then declared that he deserved the gold in a subsequent interview. And who had a platinum medal (now removed) from the Vancouver Olympics on his website. A gracious loser he was not.
But then again, all too often, neither am I. I have never been in the running for Olympic gold. I would be thrilled just to compete in the Olympics! (I would even be thrilled just to watch an event live!) But when I get upset because my neighbor has a better car or my friend is building a beautiful new house or another blogger can afford clothes that are out of my price range, I think the rest of the world would view me like the embittered Russian skater. Most people in the world don't have a car at all. Most of them live in a home a fraction of the size of ours (many with no electricity or running water!). I spend more on clothes than many people make in a year.
I want to live a life of contentment and joy. Contentment when I have little or when I have much. Joy in what God has given me, even He has given someone else more. I want these two qualities to point others to God. And when contentment and joy overcome disappointment, people will notice. I noticed Elisabeth Goergl's joy in winning the bronze and rejoiced with her. May my joy even when I see someone come out ahead be even more contagious. Because my joy isn't in winning a medal or competing well in an athletic competition. My joy is in the Lord!
The downside of the Olympics is that the television coverage lasts into the wee hours of the night. I have to make myself stop watching around midnight. (OK, it's been 12:30 a few nights.) And I wake up late and I'm tireder and less patient the next day. So the past couple of weeks I've been tireder and a little less patient, and our home is certainly messier.
Now that the Olympics are over for two more years, I'm really going to try to get to bed ON TIME! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
One thing that I've really noticed this year is the athlete's reaction to winning silver or bronze. I loved watching Elisabeth Goergl of Austria ascend the podium for her bronze medal. She was so excited she was jumping up and down. For a bronze. Watching her made me happy. And Joannie Rochette's bronze was so touching. Even Apolo was humble and gracious when another's mistake may have cost him the gold or silver.
And then there's Evgeni Plushenko. Who appeared extremely disappointed about his silver during the medal ceremony. And who then declared that he deserved the gold in a subsequent interview. And who had a platinum medal (now removed) from the Vancouver Olympics on his website. A gracious loser he was not.
But then again, all too often, neither am I. I have never been in the running for Olympic gold. I would be thrilled just to compete in the Olympics! (I would even be thrilled just to watch an event live!) But when I get upset because my neighbor has a better car or my friend is building a beautiful new house or another blogger can afford clothes that are out of my price range, I think the rest of the world would view me like the embittered Russian skater. Most people in the world don't have a car at all. Most of them live in a home a fraction of the size of ours (many with no electricity or running water!). I spend more on clothes than many people make in a year.
I want to live a life of contentment and joy. Contentment when I have little or when I have much. Joy in what God has given me, even He has given someone else more. I want these two qualities to point others to God. And when contentment and joy overcome disappointment, people will notice. I noticed Elisabeth Goergl's joy in winning the bronze and rejoiced with her. May my joy even when I see someone come out ahead be even more contagious. Because my joy isn't in winning a medal or competing well in an athletic competition. My joy is in the Lord!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Lent Me Your Ears
I grew up going to a church where we had to participate in Lent. I didn't like it, but I did it because I had to. My saving grace was that we could add something good to our lives instead of giving something up. I usually chose to do something like make my bed every day. One year my sister gave up candy. I thought she was crazy! When I was in junior high, we joined a church that didn't celebrate the Lenten season. And I was glad.
In the many years since that church change, I've continued going to churches that don't celebrate Lent, including the church we now attend. But this year God had led me to fast from something during the season of Lent. I wasn't seeking it, He just impressed it on me. And I'm actually excited about it!
I've played a couple of harmless games on Facebook. Nothing bad. I don't even spend that much time on them. But I feel like I could use even those few minutes a day doing something good, be it putting a load of clothes in the washer, reading my Bible some more, making a grocery list, or even reading a magazine to learn new recipes or decorating help. Today I hid those applications on FB, so I wouldn't be tempted by some cool change in the game.
I began thinking about this "fast" a couple of weeks ago, and I now think that what I first thought would be a temporary change may be permanent. Either way, I'm excited about following God this Lenten season not out of obligation like I did as a child, but out of love!
Father, use my small fast this season for Your glory. May I use the time I would otherwise spend in FB games to worship You and serve my family.
In the many years since that church change, I've continued going to churches that don't celebrate Lent, including the church we now attend. But this year God had led me to fast from something during the season of Lent. I wasn't seeking it, He just impressed it on me. And I'm actually excited about it!
I've played a couple of harmless games on Facebook. Nothing bad. I don't even spend that much time on them. But I feel like I could use even those few minutes a day doing something good, be it putting a load of clothes in the washer, reading my Bible some more, making a grocery list, or even reading a magazine to learn new recipes or decorating help. Today I hid those applications on FB, so I wouldn't be tempted by some cool change in the game.
I began thinking about this "fast" a couple of weeks ago, and I now think that what I first thought would be a temporary change may be permanent. Either way, I'm excited about following God this Lenten season not out of obligation like I did as a child, but out of love!
Father, use my small fast this season for Your glory. May I use the time I would otherwise spend in FB games to worship You and serve my family.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Bruised, But Not Broken
It happened again. Someone said something that hurt and the pain lingered. It didn't matter whether it was inadvertent or if an apology was immediately forthcoming. I still hurt. And I wondered why I couldn't just shake it off, get over it. While I pondered this, an answer came to me: I had a soul bruise.
I define a soul bruise as lingering pain caused by another person's words or actions - words or actions that really hurt, whether they meant them to or not. And just like a physical bruise takes time to heal, so does a soul bruise. There are things that speed up healing, such as an apology and forgiveness, but , barring God's miraculous intervention, I will need time to get over the hurting.
This is not the same as nursing a wound or holding a grudge. It's just pain that is not resolved. I forgave the other person, yet I still hurt sometimes. Like a bruise on my body, when something puts pressure on my soul bruise, the pain is worse. (And often, once the initial impact has lessened, I only feel the pain when something puts pressure on what's hurting in me.)
The good news is that soul bruises do heal and fade. Some take longer than others, but they all do heal in time. And one day soon I will look back and realize that I no longer hurt, even when something has put pressure on where my wound once was. God will heal all of my hurts. I must trust Him and give Him time to work.
A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out. In faithfulness He will bring forth justice. ~ Isaiah 42:3
I define a soul bruise as lingering pain caused by another person's words or actions - words or actions that really hurt, whether they meant them to or not. And just like a physical bruise takes time to heal, so does a soul bruise. There are things that speed up healing, such as an apology and forgiveness, but , barring God's miraculous intervention, I will need time to get over the hurting.
This is not the same as nursing a wound or holding a grudge. It's just pain that is not resolved. I forgave the other person, yet I still hurt sometimes. Like a bruise on my body, when something puts pressure on my soul bruise, the pain is worse. (And often, once the initial impact has lessened, I only feel the pain when something puts pressure on what's hurting in me.)
The good news is that soul bruises do heal and fade. Some take longer than others, but they all do heal in time. And one day soon I will look back and realize that I no longer hurt, even when something has put pressure on where my wound once was. God will heal all of my hurts. I must trust Him and give Him time to work.
A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out. In faithfulness He will bring forth justice. ~ Isaiah 42:3
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
A Matter of Perspective
Yesterday the mailman delivered my new rain boots. Today God delivered some rain. And my feet were warm and dry! Sometimes it's the small things that make me happy.
It's amazing how new rain boots transformed a gray, dreary day that could have been depressing into a day that was kind of fun! So much of life really is my attitude. And far too ofen I allow myself to just see the bad or the hard or the inconvenient rather than seeing those things as an opportunity God is using to develop something new in me.
Consider it pure joy, by brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ~James 1:2-4
It's amazing how new rain boots transformed a gray, dreary day that could have been depressing into a day that was kind of fun! So much of life really is my attitude. And far too ofen I allow myself to just see the bad or the hard or the inconvenient rather than seeing those things as an opportunity God is using to develop something new in me.
Consider it pure joy, by brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ~James 1:2-4
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Things I Want to Remember about Camp
*The LONG charter bus ride. We rode all night, and I think everyone slept.
*A great group of middle school girls in my room.
*A beautiful condo to stay in.
*My own king-sized bed.
*Being thankful to be on the sixth floor so we could take the stairs when the elevators were slow.
*Climbing 13 flights of stairs while escorting a friend's daughter to her room.
*7000 worshippers!
*Worshipping next to my daughter! Amazing!
*The Atlantic Ocean. The ocean is both relaxing and exciting and always reminds me of the vastness of my God.
*Coldstone ice cream.
*Chris Tomlin signing our new Compassion Child packet.
*Paul and I getting to meet with Louie back stage.
*Missing my girls at home with my mom.
*Walking on the beach at midnight with my daughter and some other middle school girls.
*Adopting 2 new Compassion children.
*The sun rising over the ocean.
*David*Crowder in concert!
*A great group of middle school girls in my room.
*A beautiful condo to stay in.
*My own king-sized bed.
*Being thankful to be on the sixth floor so we could take the stairs when the elevators were slow.
*Climbing 13 flights of stairs while escorting a friend's daughter to her room.
*7000 worshippers!
*Worshipping next to my daughter! Amazing!
*The Atlantic Ocean. The ocean is both relaxing and exciting and always reminds me of the vastness of my God.
*Coldstone ice cream.
*Chris Tomlin signing our new Compassion Child packet.
*Paul and I getting to meet with Louie back stage.
*Missing my girls at home with my mom.
*Walking on the beach at midnight with my daughter and some other middle school girls.
*Adopting 2 new Compassion children.
*The sun rising over the ocean.
*David*Crowder in concert!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
The Flood
Sometimes we have a flood of activities. In the last five days I have :
*Made cute doll t-shirts and purses at Michaels (for free!)
*Brought Faith, Joy, and Grace to a total of four Nutcracker practices
*Attended a birthday party
*Attended a college ministry swim party in which the only people swimming were my girls
*Went to church
*Hosted our small group at our house
*Quickly cleaned up (as best we could) for small group
*Watched a friend's children
*Taken the girls to a total of three dance classes
*Eaten out with Paul and the girls
*Stood in line for 30 MINUTES at Stuffmart!!! (With all four girls!)
*Went to and helped at our first 4-H meeting
*Helped Paul lead a class for engaged couples in our home (and cleaned up and made a dessert for that)
*Homeschooled the girls
*Went to Wednesday night church
*Witnessed this last night on the way home
The picture doesn't do God's creation justice. And there was a second, fainter rainbow above it that disappeared by the time we got home. As I was thinking about the rainbow today and what it means, I realized that not only does God promise never to flood the earth with water, but He also promises never to allow my life to become flooded with more than I am able to bear in Him. Psalm 142:3 says, "When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, You knew my path."
God does know my path, and when I am following Him, He will lead me beside still waters and restore my soul, even in the midst of what may seem overwhelming.
*Made cute doll t-shirts and purses at Michaels (for free!)
*Brought Faith, Joy, and Grace to a total of four Nutcracker practices
*Attended a birthday party
*Attended a college ministry swim party in which the only people swimming were my girls
*Went to church
*Hosted our small group at our house
*Quickly cleaned up (as best we could) for small group
*Watched a friend's children
*Taken the girls to a total of three dance classes
*Eaten out with Paul and the girls
*Stood in line for 30 MINUTES at Stuffmart!!! (With all four girls!)
*Went to and helped at our first 4-H meeting
*Helped Paul lead a class for engaged couples in our home (and cleaned up and made a dessert for that)
*Homeschooled the girls
*Went to Wednesday night church
*Witnessed this last night on the way home
The picture doesn't do God's creation justice. And there was a second, fainter rainbow above it that disappeared by the time we got home. As I was thinking about the rainbow today and what it means, I realized that not only does God promise never to flood the earth with water, but He also promises never to allow my life to become flooded with more than I am able to bear in Him. Psalm 142:3 says, "When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, You knew my path."
God does know my path, and when I am following Him, He will lead me beside still waters and restore my soul, even in the midst of what may seem overwhelming.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. ~Phil. 4:13
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Excitement!
We've definitely had some exciting times as of late. I got to go to Living Proof Live in San Antonio in August. I had had my ticket for months, but the friends I had planned to go with were both unable to go. God provided another sweet group of ladies to ride to San Antonio with, and He totally blessed me! I loved hearing God speak through Beth that I am His heiress!!
I came home to a really painful throat infection. As I tried to recuperate, I had to get our family ready for Family Camp the following weekend. And in case that wasn't enough, it appeared that Gustav might be coming our way, so I had to prepare for a potential hurricane! Thankfully, the Z pack worked quickly, and I was able to pack for our trip and pack up for the hurricane without too much trouble. As we left for Family Camp on Friday, we still didn't know if the hurricane would come to our town, so we really looked like the Beverly Hillbillies - a Suburban packed FULL of stuff including 12 American Girl dolls, a box of pictures, a few momentos, a dog, a cat, and a gerbil! (The folks who ran the camp were nice enough to make an exception to the no pets rule!!)
We kept abreast of the hurricane via our laptop at camp, and shared the news with others who worried about being in Gustav's path. On Monday, we went to stay with friends who live about an hour away from the camp before heading home on Tuesday. The storm had not struck us, so we had no damage. However, as we settled back into our normal routines, it appeared that Ike might cause us some trouble. More about that next time!
I came home to a really painful throat infection. As I tried to recuperate, I had to get our family ready for Family Camp the following weekend. And in case that wasn't enough, it appeared that Gustav might be coming our way, so I had to prepare for a potential hurricane! Thankfully, the Z pack worked quickly, and I was able to pack for our trip and pack up for the hurricane without too much trouble. As we left for Family Camp on Friday, we still didn't know if the hurricane would come to our town, so we really looked like the Beverly Hillbillies - a Suburban packed FULL of stuff including 12 American Girl dolls, a box of pictures, a few momentos, a dog, a cat, and a gerbil! (The folks who ran the camp were nice enough to make an exception to the no pets rule!!)
We kept abreast of the hurricane via our laptop at camp, and shared the news with others who worried about being in Gustav's path. On Monday, we went to stay with friends who live about an hour away from the camp before heading home on Tuesday. The storm had not struck us, so we had no damage. However, as we settled back into our normal routines, it appeared that Ike might cause us some trouble. More about that next time!
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Sufficient Grace
If I had known last week what we would be going through this week, I would have broken down and cried. If my girls had known last week how often Paul would need to be away this week there would have been much weeping, some pouting, and maybe even a fit or two.
But this week has gone as smoothly as it could have. God truly does give us the grace to handle the need of the moment when the moment arrives, and not before. Not that we've handled everything perfectly. But we have managed to get through the first part of the week without stressing out or breaking down.
Ironically, Friday was a breakdown sort of day for me. I began the day out of sorts and my sour mood did not abate during the day. As I began to journal and blame my mood on not enough quality adult interaction, God totally convicted me that the problem wasn't a lack of interaction with other people, my problem was lack of quality time with Him! So I immediately stopped my journaling, downloaded the first video session of Beth Moore's A Woman's Heart, God's Dwelling Place, and watched it. And this week I've been faithfully spending time with God through the workbook. I know that God has used my time with Him to strengthen me. I really don't want to think about all the ugly flesh & self that would have come out of me this week had I not been in the Word!
God was so faithful to prepare me to be in His Word when He knew I would need it most!
But this week has gone as smoothly as it could have. God truly does give us the grace to handle the need of the moment when the moment arrives, and not before. Not that we've handled everything perfectly. But we have managed to get through the first part of the week without stressing out or breaking down.
Ironically, Friday was a breakdown sort of day for me. I began the day out of sorts and my sour mood did not abate during the day. As I began to journal and blame my mood on not enough quality adult interaction, God totally convicted me that the problem wasn't a lack of interaction with other people, my problem was lack of quality time with Him! So I immediately stopped my journaling, downloaded the first video session of Beth Moore's A Woman's Heart, God's Dwelling Place, and watched it. And this week I've been faithfully spending time with God through the workbook. I know that God has used my time with Him to strengthen me. I really don't want to think about all the ugly flesh & self that would have come out of me this week had I not been in the Word!
God was so faithful to prepare me to be in His Word when He knew I would need it most!
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Flying without a Net
Today Paul is officially fully self-employed! In June he gave his employer notice that he would be leaving, and yesterday was his last day at his job. He has been employed full-time at the job he just left and has has his own business for over 3 years now, and it was just too much. He could not grow his own business the way he really wanted to, give his employers the time and effort they deserved, be fully involved in our family life, serve at church, and sleep enough every night. (Don't worry, he didn't sacrifice his family or short-change his employer. He usually skimped on developing his own business and sleep.) Now he will have over forty more hours a week to do what needs to be done!
The girls and I will be glad to have him home more. (I've been encouraging him to go ahead and quit for a few months now!) We've decided to let the first few weeks be primarily family time, and when school starts for him to spend some focused time developing his business. (I think the girls might have a more difficult time getting into the school routine if Daddy were home.) By the time his business is to the point where he won't need to spend as much time away from home, the girls should be in a good enough routine to keep going even when Daddy is around.
We're really trusting God to provide for us in our transition time. We think that our business will do so much better with Paul more involved, and he is also an investor in another venture, which we hope will prove quite lucrative. But none of this is certain. However, we trust that God will supply all our needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. (See Phil. 4:19) The word "supply" comes from the Greek word pleroo which literally means "fill up." Our God is so good. He won't just give us the least He can. He will fill us up! Of course this filling up applies to needs not wants. He will give us a place to live, even though it may not be my Southern Living dream house! He will give us enough food to eat, even though it may mean we cook mainly at home instead of regularly eating out.
So, as we enter into this new season of our lives, we do so with excitement, faith, and trust in God's perfect provision! We believe He has led us here. And we look forward to all He has in store for us!
The girls and I will be glad to have him home more. (I've been encouraging him to go ahead and quit for a few months now!) We've decided to let the first few weeks be primarily family time, and when school starts for him to spend some focused time developing his business. (I think the girls might have a more difficult time getting into the school routine if Daddy were home.) By the time his business is to the point where he won't need to spend as much time away from home, the girls should be in a good enough routine to keep going even when Daddy is around.
We're really trusting God to provide for us in our transition time. We think that our business will do so much better with Paul more involved, and he is also an investor in another venture, which we hope will prove quite lucrative. But none of this is certain. However, we trust that God will supply all our needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. (See Phil. 4:19) The word "supply" comes from the Greek word pleroo which literally means "fill up." Our God is so good. He won't just give us the least He can. He will fill us up! Of course this filling up applies to needs not wants. He will give us a place to live, even though it may not be my Southern Living dream house! He will give us enough food to eat, even though it may mean we cook mainly at home instead of regularly eating out.
So, as we enter into this new season of our lives, we do so with excitement, faith, and trust in God's perfect provision! We believe He has led us here. And we look forward to all He has in store for us!
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Let's Get Together
Sometimes I think I have it together. And then God lets me know I don't. I was asked to facilitate our ladies' Bible study at church this summer. I guess my desire for God's Word and my wish to have others know it overshadowed my lack of organizational skills in the mind of the sweet woman who asked me.
I thought I was doing pretty well. Until last night. Last night was our first night to meet. I had recruited group leaders. (Actually, God provided most of them! Go God!) I had shuffled and re-shuffled the groups until I was satisfied. I had typed out some instructions for the group leaders and a sheet of questions to ask next week. I had created a list of the ladies' names and which group they were in, as well as a list of each group by color. I had enlisted Paul to be home in plenty of time for me to be there at least half an hour early. I was feeling --dare I say it-- rather together. And I had done much of it while watching two extra children (for a total of six girls ages nine and under)!
Then, as I walked into church, I realized I forgot the name tags! The big jumbled box of name tags that I had also forgotten to put into neat bags according to their group. I also had forgotten my mobile phone. A very kind friend let me call Paul on her phone, and he agreed to bring up the forgotten name tags. (Living only 5 minutes away from church has its advantages!) As I was waiting, one of the group leaders reminded me that she had asked for certain ladies to be in her group. I had placed them together initially, but I forgot to write it down. So in all the shuffling and reshuffling this group got separated. Fortunately, it was early enough for me to do a quick re-reshuffling and put them back in her group. The messy box of name tags arrived, and some helpful women (who must have had the gifts of service and organization) helped arrange the name tags and facilitate registration.
Everyone settled into her group and it was time for me to give the introduction. (This is my favorite part. I really enjoy speaking to groups. Weird, huh?) Of course, the microphone had dead batteries. I enlisted the help of the woman who does this during the school year, and she suggested robbing the batteries from another microphone. They worked! I talked. The groups visited. We watched the video. I hope everyone left satisfied. Not satisfied in me or my performance. (Which was rather pitiful.) But satisfied in God. Looking forward to what He is going to do in their lives over the next few weeks. God is amazing. I trust Him to overcome all my deficiencies.
I think I'll be wary of feeling together any time soon. The only together I want is being together with Jesus. And that's the only together that matters!
I thought I was doing pretty well. Until last night. Last night was our first night to meet. I had recruited group leaders. (Actually, God provided most of them! Go God!) I had shuffled and re-shuffled the groups until I was satisfied. I had typed out some instructions for the group leaders and a sheet of questions to ask next week. I had created a list of the ladies' names and which group they were in, as well as a list of each group by color. I had enlisted Paul to be home in plenty of time for me to be there at least half an hour early. I was feeling --dare I say it-- rather together. And I had done much of it while watching two extra children (for a total of six girls ages nine and under)!
Then, as I walked into church, I realized I forgot the name tags! The big jumbled box of name tags that I had also forgotten to put into neat bags according to their group. I also had forgotten my mobile phone. A very kind friend let me call Paul on her phone, and he agreed to bring up the forgotten name tags. (Living only 5 minutes away from church has its advantages!) As I was waiting, one of the group leaders reminded me that she had asked for certain ladies to be in her group. I had placed them together initially, but I forgot to write it down. So in all the shuffling and reshuffling this group got separated. Fortunately, it was early enough for me to do a quick re-reshuffling and put them back in her group. The messy box of name tags arrived, and some helpful women (who must have had the gifts of service and organization) helped arrange the name tags and facilitate registration.
Everyone settled into her group and it was time for me to give the introduction. (This is my favorite part. I really enjoy speaking to groups. Weird, huh?) Of course, the microphone had dead batteries. I enlisted the help of the woman who does this during the school year, and she suggested robbing the batteries from another microphone. They worked! I talked. The groups visited. We watched the video. I hope everyone left satisfied. Not satisfied in me or my performance. (Which was rather pitiful.) But satisfied in God. Looking forward to what He is going to do in their lives over the next few weeks. God is amazing. I trust Him to overcome all my deficiencies.
I think I'll be wary of feeling together any time soon. The only together I want is being together with Jesus. And that's the only together that matters!
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Drama
I've noticed that when women get together drama often ensues. I don't really know why, but I've seen it time and time again. For some of us, the desire for approval causes us to see each unintentional slight, each difference of opinion as a personal affront and evidence that we are somehow unworthy. Some of us have difficulty handling conflict, so we either avoid it or are so nervous that we come across wrong. Some of us, in a desire to feel understood or important, share unflattering things about other women with our friends. Maybe my sample population is really unusual - I hope it is- but female drama seems very common.
And the drama starts young. In a house full of girls, I see it as they interact with each other, but it is even clearer when young friends play together. Today my girls played with several friends and, of course, drama made its appearance. Sometimes my girls initiated the drama, sometimes they escalated it, and sometimes they were uninvolved. And this wasn't an isolated incident. I have seen girls manipulate, lie, cry, pout, and throw fits in order to control the situation or control each other.
And I've seen grown women do the same things in "socially acceptable" ways. Why? Why do we make mountains out of molehills? Why do we gravitate toward drama? Two reasons that are true for me are insecurity and control, and they are both related. I am often insecure in my relationships. I have seldom been secure enough in my relationship to God to really be OK if someone doesn't like me. (And not everyone will.) I'm often not secure enough to be myself and let God bring me into healthy friendships. And I am insecure with other women. I fear rejection. I fear that a difference of opinion means a dislike of who I am. So I take things personally. I blow things out of proportion. I just give up.
And out of this insecurity grows control. If I don't call her, don't invite her over, don't initiate a conversation, she can't hurt me. I've shut myself out, but I didn't give her the power to hurt me. Or I become who I think she wants me to be. I agree with her opinions, act the way I think she wants me to act, and pretend my way through the relationship. It's my way of controlling, of making sure she'll be my friend. But still I fear that if she knew who I really am that she would not be my friend.
Getting out of my pit was the first step in my establishing healthy relationships. But I have to continue to reach out, to be lovingly real, and to choose to let Jesus be my ultimate source of affirmation, acceptance, and love. To know that since He loves me I am worthy. To know that no rejection (real or perceived) can make me any less valuable in God's eyes. I need to know that HE IS ENOUGH!
I think as long as we are on this earth we will be exposed to some amount of drama, but I pray that God will continue to grow my love for and knowledge of Him that I am secure in Him. I pray that He will give me the maturity, discernment, wisdom, and love to not initiate the drama and not to escalate the drama initiated by others, but to be a minister of reconciliation and to give grace to all who hear me!
Now all these things are from God, Who reconciled us to Himself through Christ, and gave us the ministry of reconciliation. ~2 Cor. 5:18
Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.
~Eph. 4: 29
And the drama starts young. In a house full of girls, I see it as they interact with each other, but it is even clearer when young friends play together. Today my girls played with several friends and, of course, drama made its appearance. Sometimes my girls initiated the drama, sometimes they escalated it, and sometimes they were uninvolved. And this wasn't an isolated incident. I have seen girls manipulate, lie, cry, pout, and throw fits in order to control the situation or control each other.
And I've seen grown women do the same things in "socially acceptable" ways. Why? Why do we make mountains out of molehills? Why do we gravitate toward drama? Two reasons that are true for me are insecurity and control, and they are both related. I am often insecure in my relationships. I have seldom been secure enough in my relationship to God to really be OK if someone doesn't like me. (And not everyone will.) I'm often not secure enough to be myself and let God bring me into healthy friendships. And I am insecure with other women. I fear rejection. I fear that a difference of opinion means a dislike of who I am. So I take things personally. I blow things out of proportion. I just give up.
And out of this insecurity grows control. If I don't call her, don't invite her over, don't initiate a conversation, she can't hurt me. I've shut myself out, but I didn't give her the power to hurt me. Or I become who I think she wants me to be. I agree with her opinions, act the way I think she wants me to act, and pretend my way through the relationship. It's my way of controlling, of making sure she'll be my friend. But still I fear that if she knew who I really am that she would not be my friend.
Getting out of my pit was the first step in my establishing healthy relationships. But I have to continue to reach out, to be lovingly real, and to choose to let Jesus be my ultimate source of affirmation, acceptance, and love. To know that since He loves me I am worthy. To know that no rejection (real or perceived) can make me any less valuable in God's eyes. I need to know that HE IS ENOUGH!
I think as long as we are on this earth we will be exposed to some amount of drama, but I pray that God will continue to grow my love for and knowledge of Him that I am secure in Him. I pray that He will give me the maturity, discernment, wisdom, and love to not initiate the drama and not to escalate the drama initiated by others, but to be a minister of reconciliation and to give grace to all who hear me!
Now all these things are from God, Who reconciled us to Himself through Christ, and gave us the ministry of reconciliation. ~2 Cor. 5:18
Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.
~Eph. 4: 29
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Take Up Your Cross
A couple of days ago I read a familiar Bible verse and it struck me in a way it never has before. God likes to shake me up like that sometimes. I was doing my read the Bible through in a year plan. (Which I do faithfully for a few days, forget a day or three, and then play catch-up for a couple of days!) I was reading Luke 14, and when I read verse 27 I began thinking about what Jesus' followers' reaction must have been. "Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple." ~Luke 14:27
We see this verse from the other side of the Cross than they did. When we hear about the Cross, we immediately think of Jesus. How He died for our sins. How we are to imitate Him. But Jesus' followers didn't know any of this. To them the cross was a painful, humiliating, shameful way for criminals to die. I'm sure NO ONE wanted to have anything to do with a cross! In researching this verse I read what The Bible Knowledge Commentary had to say: "When the Roman Empire crucified a criminal or captive, the victim was often forced to carry his cross part of the way to the crucifixion site. Carrying his cross through the heart of the city was supposed to be a tacit admission that the Roman Empire was correct in the sentence of death imposed on him, an admission that the Rome was right and he was wrong."
That is what Jesus calls us to do. To admit to ourselves and to others that Jesus is right and our flesh is wrong! To risk pain and humiliation and discomfort to follow Him! And according to Luke 9:23 we are to take up our cross daily. Daily because our flesh will reassert itself daily and needs denying daily!
So while we see in the Cross the beauty of God's redemptive plan, Jesus' disciples saw only ugliness, pain, humiliation, and shame. Yet Jesus called them to that. He calls us to that . To go somewhere that seems ugly, painful, humiliating, and (in the eyes of the world and the eyes of our flesh) shameful! I know I can only do this if I am relying on His power! In my own strength I will always choose the safe, the easy, the popular. May I choose His power to walk His way!
Father, fill me with Your power to choose Your way. Even when it is painful. Even when it is embarrassing to my flesh. Even when I can't see Your plan.
By the way it is rather difficult to write some cool God-stuff with the Veggie Tales Boyz in the Sink CD playing in the background! It's so funny I get distracted!
We see this verse from the other side of the Cross than they did. When we hear about the Cross, we immediately think of Jesus. How He died for our sins. How we are to imitate Him. But Jesus' followers didn't know any of this. To them the cross was a painful, humiliating, shameful way for criminals to die. I'm sure NO ONE wanted to have anything to do with a cross! In researching this verse I read what The Bible Knowledge Commentary had to say: "When the Roman Empire crucified a criminal or captive, the victim was often forced to carry his cross part of the way to the crucifixion site. Carrying his cross through the heart of the city was supposed to be a tacit admission that the Roman Empire was correct in the sentence of death imposed on him, an admission that the Rome was right and he was wrong."
That is what Jesus calls us to do. To admit to ourselves and to others that Jesus is right and our flesh is wrong! To risk pain and humiliation and discomfort to follow Him! And according to Luke 9:23 we are to take up our cross daily. Daily because our flesh will reassert itself daily and needs denying daily!
So while we see in the Cross the beauty of God's redemptive plan, Jesus' disciples saw only ugliness, pain, humiliation, and shame. Yet Jesus called them to that. He calls us to that . To go somewhere that seems ugly, painful, humiliating, and (in the eyes of the world and the eyes of our flesh) shameful! I know I can only do this if I am relying on His power! In my own strength I will always choose the safe, the easy, the popular. May I choose His power to walk His way!
Father, fill me with Your power to choose Your way. Even when it is painful. Even when it is embarrassing to my flesh. Even when I can't see Your plan.
By the way it is rather difficult to write some cool God-stuff with the Veggie Tales Boyz in the Sink CD playing in the background! It's so funny I get distracted!
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Unexpected Release
When I sensed that God had released me from the pit, there were many things I expected to think & feel - and I did. Freedom to be who God made me without worrying about if other people will accept me and approve of me. No more feeling like everyone secretly dislikes me. Peace.
But there were aspects to my pit I didn't know about. And now that I'm free, I see how free I am.
Paul has had to work late every day this week. Normally I would feel upset about it. And deep down I would feel like he cared about work more than he cared about me or our family. I would fight these feelings, sometimes successfully, sometimes not, but they were definitely there. But this week has been different. No feeling unimportant. No accusing phone calls. ("You said you would be home an hour ago! Where are you?) No feeling sorry for myself. No anger. I was peaceful and supportive even when it wasn't convenient (having to pick up a daughter from ballet when I hadn't planned for it). None of my new response has anything to do with me. It's all from God. Because He pulled me out of my pit, I no longer fear and compete with my husbands' work. God does so many amazing things...even when we don't expect them!
But there were aspects to my pit I didn't know about. And now that I'm free, I see how free I am.
Paul has had to work late every day this week. Normally I would feel upset about it. And deep down I would feel like he cared about work more than he cared about me or our family. I would fight these feelings, sometimes successfully, sometimes not, but they were definitely there. But this week has been different. No feeling unimportant. No accusing phone calls. ("You said you would be home an hour ago! Where are you?) No feeling sorry for myself. No anger. I was peaceful and supportive even when it wasn't convenient (having to pick up a daughter from ballet when I hadn't planned for it). None of my new response has anything to do with me. It's all from God. Because He pulled me out of my pit, I no longer fear and compete with my husbands' work. God does so many amazing things...even when we don't expect them!
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
The Pits
God pulled me out of the pit last weekend. My pit wasn't a small ditch that I'd only been in a short time, but a massive below-ground network that I had lived in for over 20 years. It didn't start out that big, but other people and I kept adding to it.
I was initially thrown in over 20 years ago, when I was 10. My fifth-grade year the girls in my class began excluding and ostracizing me. I still don't know what motivated them. This began a three and a half year season of rejection, teasing, and exclusion. Not that I never had any friends during that time. I had several people who were friends for a short time, but moved on after a while. In the midst of this, my pit was deepened by my parents' divorce. My response to the pit of rejection was fear of rejection and an almost desperate desire for people to like me.
God changed my circumstances when I was in the eighth grade. A group of nice girls befriended me, and we remained friends through high school. That year was also the year I accepted Jesus as my Savior. We were at a new church, and I began to have a few friends there, in addition to my school friends. (I went to school in a small town outside the larger town where I attended church.) But even though my circumstances changed, my fear of rejection and my unhealthy desire for others' approval remained. My pit may not have been as deep, but I still was living in it.
I added to my pit, too. I did things that were sinful and foolish in order to try to obtain the approval of others. So then I had a pit of fear, need for approval, sin, and regret. I also added pride to the mix. I was so mad at myself for my actions and really believed that I could have and should have done better! (Not Christ in me, but just me.)
God finally closed off the regret and the most obvious pride by impressing on me that I can do nothing operating in my own strength. I now realize that the only way I would have made wiser decisions would be to totally rely on Christ's power, not my own!
But over 20 years later, I still lived in the pit of fear of rejection and desperation for their approval. My husband would tell me to get over it, but I never could. I now realize it's because only God can pull me out of a pit.
Last weekend I went to Living Proof Live. From the first line of the first song, God reached down and began pulling me out. By the end of Friday night, I knew I was FREE! I can't explain how He did it and don't fully understand it, but I KNOW that He pulled me out! I pray daily that I won't slip back in! He is faithful! PRAISE HIM!
I was initially thrown in over 20 years ago, when I was 10. My fifth-grade year the girls in my class began excluding and ostracizing me. I still don't know what motivated them. This began a three and a half year season of rejection, teasing, and exclusion. Not that I never had any friends during that time. I had several people who were friends for a short time, but moved on after a while. In the midst of this, my pit was deepened by my parents' divorce. My response to the pit of rejection was fear of rejection and an almost desperate desire for people to like me.
God changed my circumstances when I was in the eighth grade. A group of nice girls befriended me, and we remained friends through high school. That year was also the year I accepted Jesus as my Savior. We were at a new church, and I began to have a few friends there, in addition to my school friends. (I went to school in a small town outside the larger town where I attended church.) But even though my circumstances changed, my fear of rejection and my unhealthy desire for others' approval remained. My pit may not have been as deep, but I still was living in it.
I added to my pit, too. I did things that were sinful and foolish in order to try to obtain the approval of others. So then I had a pit of fear, need for approval, sin, and regret. I also added pride to the mix. I was so mad at myself for my actions and really believed that I could have and should have done better! (Not Christ in me, but just me.)
God finally closed off the regret and the most obvious pride by impressing on me that I can do nothing operating in my own strength. I now realize that the only way I would have made wiser decisions would be to totally rely on Christ's power, not my own!
But over 20 years later, I still lived in the pit of fear of rejection and desperation for their approval. My husband would tell me to get over it, but I never could. I now realize it's because only God can pull me out of a pit.
Last weekend I went to Living Proof Live. From the first line of the first song, God reached down and began pulling me out. By the end of Friday night, I knew I was FREE! I can't explain how He did it and don't fully understand it, but I KNOW that He pulled me out! I pray daily that I won't slip back in! He is faithful! PRAISE HIM!
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Thus Far
I've been reading blogs for some months now, and I've finally taken the plunge to write my own. I want this blog to be a record of what God has done and is doing in my life Thus Far. For it to be my Ebenezer stone for myself, my family, and anyone else who may happen to be led to read it.
God has done so much in my life, but I tend to forget. Writing it down will be a tangible reminder of all He has done. He is good!
I hope to hear from others how God is working in your lives, too. May this be a forum for us to "spur one another on to love and good deeds."
God has done so much in my life, but I tend to forget. Writing it down will be a tangible reminder of all He has done. He is good!
I hope to hear from others how God is working in your lives, too. May this be a forum for us to "spur one another on to love and good deeds."
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